1. Thou shalt not anticipate The Nap.

The Nap is not guaranteed. For if thou shalt stay up too late the night before and sayeth to thyself, “No need to worry, I will catch up on sleep during naptime,” thou shalt be sorely disappointed.

2. Thou shalt not taketh The Nap for granted.

For even so far as thou hath been granted a year of hour-to-two-hour naps, there shalt come a day (or two or five or twenty in an effing row) when The Nap shall not grace thee with its presence. Thou wilt cry out in agony, “Nap, why hast thou forsaken me?” But The Nap will not heed thy cries. Thou hast been warned.

3. Thou shalt have no other activities above The Nap.

If thy blog and thy Twitter, they call to thee, thou shalt say to them, “No, beasts, thou will not tempt me. I am getting some freaking sleep today.” For even though thou thinkest to thyself that there is yet time for one more DM, thou shalt find that time flyeth on swift wings, and The Nap has come and gone.

4. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Nap.

Yea, as the mom next door hath left the playground early for naptime, thou shalt be happy for her even as the fruit of thy loins continues to climb the slide backwards for the thirty-seventh time while showing no signs of slowing down.

5. Thou shalt not brag about The Nap.

If thou posteth about The Nap on The Twitter or The Facebook with the slightest amount of smugness, The Nap wilt surely skip over thy house to punish thee for thy transgression.

Thou shalt honor these commandments and keep them, all the days of thy stay-at-home career, in the hopes that preschool will one day come. Amen.