Man, it’s hot.
It’s hotter than two squirrels screwing in a wool sock. It’s so hot birds have to pull worms out of their holes with potholders.
It’s SO hot that I tied my mule in a field of corn, and the corn started popping and the mule thought it was snow and froze to death!
Just kidding. I don’t have a mule. Or corn. But damn, it’s hot.
I don’t remember the last time I turned on the oven, in fact. Everything we’ve eaten this summer (since mid-June at least) has either been nuked to within an inch of it’s life, slightly warmed over on the stove top or prepared by a chef in someone else’s kitchen.
Actually, I did end up having to boil some water the other day. I glared at the fire under the pot though, and I can tell you that a watched pot will boil, if it feels you staring at it with menace.
I had originally planned to feature my aunt’s Champagne Pasta Salad that my mom made when she was here last week, but I forgot what she did with the recipe, and seeing that she was in a wreck and all I figured I wouldn’t call and bug her for it.
She’s so high on pain meds anyway, it would probably come out like, “Boil two cups of mayonnaise and put the pasta in the toaster.”
Anyway, I made a pasta salad on Friday with that boiled water, but it wasn’t of the Champagne variety. It was more of a “Clean out the crisper before it all goes bad” sort of pasta salad.
And it was really, really good.
Kitchen Sink Pasta Salad
½ box bowtie pasta
1 box tricolor rotini
1 stalk celery
4 hearts of palm
1 zucchini
2 Roma tomatoes
1 onion
1 small jar marinated artichoke hearts
1 can black olives
6 pepperoncini
1 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
2/3 bottle Italian dressing
Shaved Parmesan
House seasoning (I used Mrs. Dash this time)
Set a large pot of water to boil. Don’t forget the menacing glare.
Finely chop all the veggies, except for maybe the olives.
Boil the pasta til cooked but firm. Drain in a colander and rinse with cold water, set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together the mayo, mustard and a little bit of the Italian dressing.
Pour the rest of the dressing over the pasta in the colander, distributing evenly.
Toss the veggies in the bowl with the mixed dressings, and coat evenly. Pour the pasta over that, and pull the dressing and veggies up through the middle with a wooden spoon. Be patient, it’ll get mixed.
The resulting salad will look a little bit watery at first, but the pasta will soak up more of the dressing while it chills.
Chill for at least 30 minutes, then season with house seasoning and cover liberally with parmesan.
Mamamash 
I am SO glad you posted this. I saw your Instagram and KNEW that had to be hearts of palm in there and I love that stuff. I could eat it right out of the can plain- and finish it off. Lovely looking salad. This is a pinterest-able recipe for sure. I think I shall pin it.
Also- I am glad your mom & boys are ok. I was so excited to see the salad I didn’t even read the whole post. Whoops!
Thank you thank you! 🙂 I’ve been living off of chicken nuggets and hot pockets lately, not gonna lie. It felt so good to make something beautiful (and healthy-ish) again. 🙂
I LOVE LOVE LOVE pasta salad. In fact, I may marry yours.
Yeah, you know…it’s great and all but I don’t think your children would be nearly as attractive as the one’s you’ve got now.
In an effort to still feed my family I crank the AC colder before making dinner and give preference to the oven and crockpot versus standing over a hot stove. I must need to practice my glare. The gas stove takes FOREVER to boil water. Never would I have thought I might prefer electric over gas.
I normally love cooking with gas, but boiling water is that absolute worst with it.
It’s hotter than two squirrels screwing in a wool sock. ** HAaaaa.
That pasta salad is a beautiful feast for the eyes…now if I can only get it in my tummy 🙂
It’s easy to make!
So. Hot. I just made hot tea to get a caffeine fix and am sweating looking at the mug. I love pasta salad, and I love kitchen sink anything. I often make kitchen sink Mexican dishes because it’s hardest to screw up Mexican if you use enough hot sauce. 😉 Happy Sunday!
I love kitchen sink Mexican food. I love any Mexican food, really. Now I’m hungry…
this looks fantastic. I make something not nearly as wonderful, so I will revise to your method. I add really good tuna as well.
Your mom’s pasta salad was really, really good. But I don’t blame you for not asking her. Boiled mayonnaise. YUM-O. Ahem.
This also looks really, really good. It contains about fifteen ingredients that I’ve never bought (that might be a tiny exaggeration), but still. YUM (for real).
Also, yay for cooling down a little today!!
You are so funny! Did you think of those ‘Hot’ statements by yourself? So clever. I really enjoy your blog. Glad Mom is doing okay. What about the boys?
It’s hot here this week. I’m thinking about skipping eating and going straight to drinking.
Is it wrong that I really want to catch two squirrels and make them screw in a wool sock right now?
Oh wait no. I want to make that pasta salad. That’s what I really meant.
You make kitchen sinks look good.
But on a serious note, I’ve been out of touch with the blog world so I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s crash. How scary and awful and painful.
Still, I’m relieved to have come in on the story after I know that everyone is (relatively speaking) safe.
Except maybe for any squirrels who live around these parts.