Category Archives: Lists

Mama needs a brand new bag

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I’ve always wanted to do a Monday Listicle with Stasha and her gang, and today I finally got a chance!

Don’t get too excited, because what I have to share is severely underwhelming. Ducky from BatCrap Crazy fame had suggested a “What’s in your bag?” reveal for this listicle, and my bag is woefully uninteresting.

I am a minimalist for sure, and hate to carry around anything I don’t need. I despise clutter and things that aren’t useful. What’s fun is that I live with a total packrat, and if you were to compare the contents of our top bureau drawers you would see why it’s a miracle we’re not in counseling.

So here, this is my current bag. It’s not “appropriate” for the season, but even though I’ve had it for a couple of years now, it’s still in outstanding shape, so I can’t really justify buying a new one anytime soon.

Fall '11 bag

In it I carry – oh look. Surprise, a matching wallet. Borrrring.

Fall '11 wallet

And lip balm, because I live in the Midwest where, for half the year, humidity does not exist but wind does, and so I have the lips of a crackhead.

Philosophy lip gloss

Oh, but this stuff! This is great stuff – Band-aid’s Friction Block. I hate socks, but I also hate blisters, so I smear this stuff on my heels and toes so I can wear cute little shoes and not end up with ballerina feet.

Bandaid Friction stick

Here’s the only other part of the pitifully small beauty toolbox in my bag – a giant hairclip. What? It could be worse. It could be a scrunchie!

Massive hair clip

Ok, so of course I need iStuff. Earbuds and a car charger adapter, because nothing sucks more than being out and about with a dead phone or no way to block out the sounds of the general public.

Car charger Earbuds

But if that does happen, I always have a library book. Since I’ve been spending a lot of time in doctors’ offices and undergoing long, boring tests, and there’s only so many rounds of Candy Crush you can play, a book is essential. (Yes, I still read the paper kind. SO RETRO.)

Barnheart

And about those doctor appointments – geez, look, here’s my clutter. My appointment card from last week – the one that was supposed to be just an hour or so and ended up taking the entire day since I had to go hang out in Labor & Delivery. Yeah, that’s a fun story for later.

All those doctors appointments, gah.

Oh, and those? Nothing to see here. Moving on…

Reese's cups

My change stash. I have no idea why I carry this, actually. I never use cash, but somehow I end up with change floating around and I do NOT want in at the bottom of my bag, so here’s where it goes, presumably to die since it won’t ever be used.

Change purse

You know what’s missing from this bag though? Mom stuff. No, I totally have some here somewhere. Really! Look! WIPES! (Ok, so maybe I use them to wipe the Reese’s evidence off my fingers. Whatever.)

WIPES

So what’s in your bag? Because I could use some gum…

Life’s Lessons: Pride & Joy

Posted in Lists, Monkey by

Even though it was full of WTF moments, this week was certainly much better than last. On one hand, I was definitely schooled by the fence-eating dogs and learned that yes, you can have strep throat without feeling sick. On the other hand, there was so much happiness and laughter squeezed into the last seven days that I never frowned for longer than a few seconds. Here’s a few of this week’s lessons.

1. While some of my dogs are definitely jerks and are still grounded, others have turned out to be really great babysitters.

Easy cleanup after lunch! Who needs baby wipes?

2. I had been all excited to find cute little crayons with round handles for chubby hands and figured my kid could get an early start on becoming the next Picasso.

Instead, he’s well on his way to being that kid who eats paste.

3. My husband missed a lot of time with his son this week because of work commitments and some personal issues with one of his friends who was in crisis. Add to that the fact that I now keep another child during the week, and our little Monkey was in need of some one-on-one time. We ended up leaving him with a friend who could look after his needs last night while we went to the Foo Fighter’s concert, but today has been full of some serious Daddy/son time to make up for it.

4. This has obviously exhausted him, because we sat him in his chair for a random lunch of yogurt, toast and hummus, graham crackers and cinnamon-dusted sweet potatoes, and before long, it got quiet. Way too quiet.

He’s never done that before. I think my heart might have quadrupled in size when I saw him all passed out, snuggling his Simply Go-Gurt. His dad cleaned him up and is rocking him right now as he sings a chirpy little sleepy baby song.

5. Oh, and speaking of that concert. Wow. I thought nothing could top the Pearl Jam concert we went to when I was pregnant, but Dave Grohl is a force of nature. With a lead singer who was a drummer and a drummer who’s also a lead singer, guitarist and pianist, the Foo Fighters produced a tight, beastly sound. The guitars and synth create this wall of sound that you crash up against, until each brick in that wall turns into dust that permeates every pore in your body. As each cell in your skin vibrates along, you suddenly realize that what you thought was your heartbeat was actually Taylor Hawkins and his monstrous thumps.

It was a completely euphoric experience. They played a 2.5 hour set, complete with little moments of F-bomb laced comedy as Grohl exchanged what must have been a dozen different guitars. I admit, even though his music speaks for itself, it doesn’t hurt that he’s full of shaggy-haired sex appeal. And oh my gosh, when Hawkins came back onstage with no shirt on? Swoon.

I love skinny, dirty, long-haired rocker boys. Sigh.

Oh, and a bonus: The Westboro Baptist Asshats were at the Sprint Center earlier that evening to protest the Foo, so the Foo said Eff you, Fred and performed a little song for the haters. You can see an amateur video of it here.

Anyway, right now it’s chilly and wet outside, but my house is warm. Football drones on the tv in the background, soup simmers in the crock pot and I’m padding around in fuzzy socks.

It’s the perfect ending to a pretty much perfect week.

I wish the same for you.

Tell us about your week over at Rach’s place. Link up with Life’s Lessons!

Life With Baby Donut

Life’s Lessons: Meh, screw it

Posted in I'm Still Learning, Lists by

It’s Friday, and this week has been full of lessons. I’d prefer if learning experiences such as these were spread out a bit, but I guess it’s best to take your lumps all at once and move on.

Life With Baby Donut
1. Liars get caught eventually. So even if you’re frustrated because you know the truth and you can’t reveal it lest you look like the bad guy in the end, just trust that the universe will right itself.

2. Nobody, no matter how strong they seem on a daily basis, is exempt from days where they just can’t anymore. Even you. So while it’s good to be kind to others who have run out of steam, it’s just as important to be kind to yourself. Sometimes it’s ok to say, “screw it” and let someone else captain the ship.

3. Toddlers like to poop right after warm baths and into fresh diapers. Some of them, one who will remain nameless but has a cute pajama butt, will grab the diaper with the large clump of crap in it and fling it across the room, splattering dookie on your favorite chair before you have a chance to stop them.

4. People who are feeling insecure about a certain topic of their life will try to belittle that topic so that it seems like it’s not really important and that you should feel silly for counting it as such. Those people are clearly constipated and should be given an enema so they no longer feel compelled to walk around with bitch face all the time.

5. Your doctor friend who told you that heat (which feels good) is bad and cold (which feels like icy fingers of death) is good for injuries is right, but to tell him that to his face would mean you’d have to deal with his smug George Costanza mug, and you might punch him, so it’s best to just quietly apply the ice packs to seek your relief and move on.

6. Just because people tell you they’ll be there for you doesn’t mean they will. But you probably shouldn’t take it personally, because the universe happens to revolve around a larger, more brilliant star. Things happen, people get busy, and you’re guilty of flaking out on others as well.

7. Cats are assholes and will pee on anything that stands still long enough, be it your new carpet, your dry-clean-only shirt, or your son’s All About Jesus board book his grandma gave him.

8. Never buy a book for your kid that you’re not fond of reading 1,284 times in a row. Just don’t. Trust me.

9. Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Ok, so he’s not Sicilian, but I learned this week that when it comes down to true life or death situations, my normally laid back and gentle husband is not one to be toyed with. I’m really proud of him for doing the right thing.

10. After a week like this, it might be tempting to wait up for #wineparty and chat with your friends, but you’re far better off taking a warm bath, popping a sleeping pill, and getting 10 hours of sleep. Good night, internet. I really love you guys.

*I know that I owe some of you a blog visit or two this week, and I’m sorry for leaving you hanging. I promise to come by this weekend and give you a right proper stalking. Thanks for being so supportive and chatty this week. 

Gone fishing (Don’t I wish)

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Today I’m still unorganized, still overbooked, still flying in fourteen directions at once so, oh look, another list!

Stasha writes The Good Life and features a Monday Listicle each week.

This week, everyone is talking about their top ten favorites places to be. This is great, because I can start my Monday with happy thoughts, and continue to ignore the laundry that needs folding, the emails that need answering, and the calendar that is entirely too crowded.

I’d rather be:

1. Sitting on the dock of my uncle’s lake house on Toledo Bend in Hemphill, Texas with a hook in the water and a cold beer in my hand.

2. Blissed out on the couch at my aunt’s house in Houston with a bellyful of her amazing cooking.

3. Snuggled up in my bed with my new pillow and the softest sheets imaginable while another episode of Mad Men plays on Netflix.

4. Or snuggling with my husband, my head in just the right spot on his chest with his arm wrapped around me, breathing deeply of that intoxicating mixture of cologne and deodorant that makes me swoon every time I catch even the smallest whiff.

5. On Twitter, gleefully wasting time with the funniest people in the world. Sometimes I worry about becoming Wall-E people by spending so much time there, but then I’m all, eh, who cares if my bones weaken and I forget how to walk. TWITTER!

6. Pounding the pavement on the path at Penguin Park. Ok, so I don’t really want to become a Wall-E person, so I have to get some exercise every day. The fresh air, towering trees and glistening pond at the park make for a beautiful walk, as long as I’m careful to avoid the goose poop that booby traps the third quarter mile.

7. At my church, working hard in the café kitchen. This has truly become one of my favorite haunts. I’ve gotten familiar enough with the place that it feels like my own kitchen, and even though I spent five hours there yesterday evening, I can’t wait to go back.

8. Curled up in my recliner with my MacBook, visiting my friends’ blogs, surfing the net for funny stuff, and doing lots of online shopping. Amazon, you complete me.

9. Wandering around the aisles at Nebraska Furniture Mart. The name of this place does not do it justice. I think every piece of furniture, décor, electronics and kitchenware in my house has come from this mega store. There’s always a new treasure to find, and even if I’m decorating on a budget I can daydream about the leather couches I’ll have one day.

10. Strolling along the path at Deanna Rose Farmstead. The nephews had a blast when we went this summer. There is so much to do and see here, and I can’t wait for Monkey to be old enough to get to run around and really enjoy this place. It’s such a treasure, even if they’ve become snack Nazis and won’t let us bring in our own picnic food anymore.

Hm, now that I think about it, perhaps I should just clear off the calendar, shove the laundry back in the basket, delete all the emails and take the kids to the Farm.

What about you? Where are your favorite places?