*Last year, Jamie at Chosen Chaos asked me to write a letter to my 18-year-old self as part of her weekly feature. It was a hard letter to write, mostly because it’s hard to look back on your life and see the mistakes you’ve made, and know you can’t get that time back. But it’s also great to be able to look forward and say that you’ve learned your lesson and will do better.
Jamie has asked all of us who’ve participated in the feature to re-publish our pieces on our own blogs if we’d like to, and link up here together with all of our letters. I’m looking forward to reading the letters this weekend, and I hope you have a chance to look at them all too.
Dear 18-year-old Julie,
Happy Birthday! You’re going to graduate high school tomorrow. This summer, while you’re waiting to leave this small town you hate so much and head off to college, remember to spend lots of quality time with your family. Don’t fight with them, because when you get to that dorm room, you’re going to want one more chance to say your goodbyes the right way.
In fact, you’re going to spend the next 14 years of your life really sucking at goodbyes. In order to prevent yourself from being hurt, you’re going to try to make your exits ugly.
Stop trying to set every bridge on fire.
Ok, so there might be a few bridges that should burn. Just be sure you’re done before you light that match is all I’m asking.
When you get to college, don’t worry so much about having a social life. You didn’t work so hard to get here just to throw it away for a few parties. Go to class. Even the 8 a.m. ones.
Actually, just don’t schedule any 8 a.m. ones. That’s probably smarter.
Don’t be afraid that you don’t belong or that you’re not good enough to be what you really want to be. You were blessed with a big brain in that massive melon of yours, and it needs to be put to work. It doesn’t function well with failure.
Eventually, you’ll graduate college, something you can’t even imagine at this point. Do not panic and marry the guy you’re dating at that time just because it’s what you think comes next. Divorce is expensive.
Be nicer to your mom. She did the best she could. Later, when you’re a mom – oh, and you do get to be a mom; I know the miscarriages will freak you out, but just wait, you will have the most awesome son one day – you’ll realize that parenting is hard and there is a lot of pressure to be perfect.
Be more judicious when choosing friends. Just because you’re in a new place and don’t know anyone does not mean you should trust the first smiling face that comes your way. But don’t shut everyone out, because there are truly good people in this world, just sometimes it takes awhile to find them.
Don’t wait until you’re 32 to learn how to control your temper. Yes, it’s part of who you are, this fiery attitude, but your words carry great power and can cause great pain. You’re not the type that wants people to be hurt, so even when you’re angry, take a timeout before eviscerating someone with them.
Also, you’re going to date a lot of losers. Holy cow, can you ever pick ‘em. And I’d say to avoid that, but I think it will make you appreciate the man you do end up with even more. He’s a prince among men for sure, and he’ll love you through all your issues and tantrums and fears – until one day you don’t even struggle with them anymore.
OH! One more thing. When Hurricane Ike comes through in 2008, pack up all your stuff in a moving truck. Some things can never be replaced.
Love,
Your 33-year-old, ridiculously happy, ever-so-blessed self.
I love your letter, that is all.
I really wish we could rewrite them. I have SO MUCH to add now.
There’s nothing saying you can’t! It’s funny how much changes in a year!
And don’t forget Blogger Idol! It defines you.
I never would have met your obnoxious ass without it.
Anger management issues learnt at a late age here too.
I wonder if it’s less “learning” and more just “too tired to get all riled up” anymore.
Who says you can’t rewrite them? Just write up a new one. Make you feel better.
I don’t know why….maybe it’s because I know you a lot better now than I did when you originally wrote this, but this made me sad to read just now. Not sad that you’re where you are, but maybe sad about where you’ve been (and what you’ve been through).
I don’t think it was anything insurmountable. I’m sure most of it made me a better person. I love where I am now because of all of it, but I’m not going to lie and say I don’t wish that when I’m done with this life that I could try it all again.
I think that dating losers is something that has to come along with the territory. We learn so much from them! Lovely letter.
I think that with most of them, I saw something good there, but they were “fixer uppers.” And that’s just too much for any young girl to handle. Men need to be men on their own before looking for relationships. Same for women too, of course. So maybe I was the loser? Nah.
How odd is it that the first thing I noticed in the picture of 18 year old you is your watch…? ‘Cause nobody wears them anymore, right? Or is that just me? But the second thing I noticed was your smile and the fact that you don’t have puffy, frizzy 80s hair…you’re a lot younger than me, aren’t you? Don’t answer that either. Great advice. I only wish someone had wanted to marry me while I was in college. Maybe then I wouldn’t have spent my 20s being such a sl…well, you get the idea!
Love this. Glad we reposted these cause I did not read yours last year. I am sorry you lost some things dear to you in the hurricane. And had to kiss some frogs.
Yeay for deliriously happy women!!
This is one of my favorite posts of yours! How we all could benefit from this writing exercise. I love you so much and miss you like crazy. Love you for who you were and who you are now. What a wonderful journey to have witnessed and at times participated.
Loved your letter! The friend part REALLY hit home with me. That’s a good one!
Wow, now you’ve got me wondering what I would write to my 18-year old self almost 50 years later. Probably the most important thing would be to tell me to be kinder to myself and stop raising the bar every time I’m about to succeed. We all need to take time to relish our accomplishments and stop scurrying off to the next goal, and the next and the next.
Such wisdom! I loved the “your going to make your exits really ugly.” I did that too – called it my “scorched earth policy” – terrible at good byes! PS: LOVED your cute 18 year old picture!
I liek how honest this is. Its awesome being all “smart” years later, isn;t it?
well done
I think I missed this on Jamie’s site, too. Unless I read / commented after wine – totally been known to comment while under the influence.
Love your picture – and I still wear a watch! Dating the jerks is part of the experience, right? At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Dammit! I think I did have to give a cheek swab, my comment is gone…grrrr.
Anywho….I wish I would have known you at 18 and not just because I had a child and you could babysit for me. I would get to be 18 too. Loved the part about not trusting a smiling face. I think that applies to both male/female relationships.
And, glad I’m not the only dumbass who married her college boyfriend
I like your letter and I like you even more now!
Your letter really made me think about all the things we are meant to learn after we are 18. That glimpse into the future would be nice but it just wouldn’t be the same, you know? We had to LIVE it. Great letter!!!