*Warning – Kind of a bummer
Monday was a dark day. The clouds hung gray and bleak in the sky, a fitting background for everything that was happening.
There’s been so much loss in the last week. Today my uncle buries his mother, a beautiful person who treated my aunt like a daughter and their dogs like grandchildren. One close friend suddenly, shockingly lost her brother, a handsome, charming man who was known and loved by pretty much an entire town. Another friend is saying goodbye to her uncle, who leaves behind a large clan to mourn him.
And then Sunday, my husband’s fraternity brother lost his wife and their daughter in childbirth.
In childbirth. In America. In the 21st century.
It still happens.
My husband found out in the middle of the night and took the news alone and very hard. Unbeknownst to me, he’d been up all night with our son who kept waking up crying. While I slept in my Unisom preggo coma, hubs was rocking and patting and soothing our little two-year-old boy and helping to organize the group of grieving fraternity brothers as they tried to decide how to best pay their respects.
What could they possibly say in a situation like that? What comfort can you bring to a man who was about to experience life’s greatest joy and it turned into life’s worst horror?
There was so much sadness and fear in my husband’s eyes yesterday. I could see him drawing parallels in his mind. When he looked at me, I felt like he was seeing a ticking time bomb.
All day long he sat in his chair, fielding messages from other brothers and fighting tears, the reality of it all hitting much too close to home.
My husband is a strong, stoic kind of man. He rarely loses his temper or sheds a tear. I have only recently seen him provoked to rage, and we’ve been together for five years. He’s handled so much pressure, forgiven so many offenses and weathered so many storms.
I worry that his reserve of strength is beginning to dwindle. Normally when one of us falters, the other one is always there to pick up the slack, but I’m so exhausted myself right now. I worry that I’m going to let him down.
It’s during these times that we lean into each other and upon our faith and wait for better days. It’s in these times that even small moments of embrace and connection can make a world of difference. It’s at this time that we are so grateful for our little boy and the moments of levity he provides.
Even in the darkness, we are so blessed.
What photographs of your blessings did you catch this week? Link up and share them!
Really, I need to see some happy.
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.mamamash.com" title="Mamamash"><img src="http://mamamash.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/ippp-polaroid-125-x-125.jpg" alt="Mamamash" style="border:none;" /></a></div>
So very sad to read. I will remember to cherish each moment.
We don’t get nearly enough time.
Oh my gosh Julie I am so sorry. I wondered why I hadn’t seen you around lately. So awful. I am sad for your losses- all of them. Heartbreaking.
I’m rarely around lately because I get pregnancy headaches and staring at a screen makes them worse!
Also, I’m hibernating. 
I am thankful that those closest to me are safe and sound right now, but it’s still hard to see people you care about grieve and not be able to fix it for them.
So much sadness all around you and yours. i am sorry for the heartbreak. A good friend from college became a widow on July 5th. Her husband died suddenly in their home and she is left to raise their 11 month old without her one great love.
That is one of my greatest fears. I don’t want to ever parent without my husband. Prayers for her for strength and healing.
Oh no. Oh no. I’m so sorry for your husband’s loss. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for him and his friend and all their friends. You hang on tight in there, my friend.
I’m ok, it’s just hard to see all these people I love be in so much pain. All at once. And I can’t do anything about it, except tell a little of their story and hope we can all pray for their healing.
Oh Julie, my thoughts are with you.
So sorry for all the loss and pain.
I know you and your husband will get through this – just lean on each other, then nobody has to be the strong one, you’ll just do it together!
We’re ok, there’s just so much more going on and the stress weakens you, you know? So when sad things start happening you’re like, “Where are we going and what’s with this handbasket?!”
I’ll be praying for your husband to be able to comfort and help as well as Travis to find peace during this tragedy. It breaks my heart that a man could still lose his wife and child this way.
Thank you. That’s exactly what he needs.
I’m sorry it’s been so rough. There’s so much pain sometime. I hope you continue to find joy and hope. Praying for P’s friend.
Services are Saturday and I think we’re sending P to St. Louis to be there with the brothers. I always picked on him about his frat days but it’s amazing to see how closely bonded they all still are.
I still can’t believe that this could happen in this day and age. Maybe I was oblivious when I was young, and am starting to see the world as it really is now, or maybe life has become more fragile. I don’t know, but it’s hard to take so much grief. You’re not going to let him down, but I agree with Kerstin….leaning on each other takes the load of both of you. And it sounds like he’s got a strong bond with those friends of his. Travis is not going to feel alone in this, I’m pretty certain of that.
I didn’t experience much loss growing up. My sister did, she went to a funeral a month while she was in high school. So I guess I’m just really bad at dealing with death. The finality is so frustrating.
That is so very tragic. I’m so sorry. You are right, there is so much we don’t understand this side of things. But we need to be thankful, always. We will be praying for all.
I hope there are answers on the other side of things. Otherwise I am going to be PISSED at the senselessness of it all. Thanks for your prayers.
That is just devastating. You don’t expect that to happen in America. I pray God comforts him. I just can’t imagine.
Thank you for your prayers Brandy. I hope that he feels a peaceful hand holding him through all of this.
I’m so sorry for the hard times you all are experiencing. I’m extremely sad for your husband and the loss he is having to deal with. So glad you have each other!
I would just like for bad things to stop happening to my people! My people are good people.
I am so sorry for all the sadness and loss that’s surrounding you and your husband right now. So tragic. Hoping you see lighter days ahead, when you’re ready for them.
We have much to look forward to over the next year, I know. And I’m not the type to focus on the negative for very long. But sometimes you just have to give in to the sad and wallow in it for a minute.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you love and strength, my friend.
I’m just a witness to the grief right now Kim. But there’s so much of it it’s overwhelming.
Such a beautiful picture caught during a really crappy time. I’m sorry for all your losses.
In that moment, that evening, we were just so aware of the gift of each other. And kind of scared that it could be taken away at any time.
Sending you my thoughts, love, and prayers
Senfong you my love, thoughts, and prayers
How sad, Julie. I think things like this hit even harder (for both of you) when you’re pregnant and hear such news. I’m sorry you’re experiencing so much loss – especially at one time. And I hope you are able to lean on each other and find some happiness, particularly when you look at your sweet boy.
I’m not really emotional about stuff like this usually, so yeah, being pregnant has a lot to do with it. I’m working so hard to build my family and it’s scary to watch others lose theirs. Really scary.
That is simply terrifying. I’m so sorry. You’re right. You don’t hear of that happening now. Ug. That poor guy.
I don’t think I would be able to go on. I don’t know where he gets the strength to breathe.
Oh Julie – my thoughts and prayers are with Travis and all your friends and relatives who are mourning. Absolutely devasting. That photo of Monkey and hubs is beautiful. Poignant reminder to cherish all that is ours.
Thanks, Leslie. I’ve watched my friends and family work through their grief this week and I am so amazed at how strong people are.
Sometimes I just don’t know what words to string together to express how I feel.
So today I’m simply sending love.
Because in the end, that’s all we have.
And all that matters.
Thanks, Julie.
That is truly a terrible situation… and I don’t know that there is anything that I could say to make it better that others haven’t already said.
Know that you are all in my thoughts.
I appreciate everyone allowing me some time to reflect on these events!
Oh this just breaks my heart. I will be saying prayers for this man and his family and for your husband and his fraternity brothers so that they can be there for their friend.
It’s amazing how they’ve rallied around him. Even brothers who have never met him – they’ve all chipped in to help financially.
I am so sorry for this horrible tragedy and the wake of grief that it has left. You and P are such a strong team and the oneness is huge in times like these. Please know that we love you both, and Monkey for sure. Your Uncle is doing well, I was so proud of him. He spoke yesterday and it was perfect. Healing has begun for us and for his dad. God has been our rock and I have felt His strength, His peace through this whole summer. Celebrate life, grieve loss, embrace the future. This is not the end, it just feels like it sometimes.
Sometimes it just feels so pointless to build something you know will be torn apart one day. I’ve really been struggling with that. You guys have set such an example for how you’ve handled everything – Meme’s illness, Mrs. D’s long transition. I am always humbled and amazed at how you come through it all. I miss you. See you soon!
Oh, Julie! I am so sorry that you are surrounded by so much loss. My heart breaks for your husband’s friend. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. Such a beautiful picture in the middle of all the grief. It’s a reminder to hold our loved ones close.
Thanks, girl. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
My thoughts go with you, yours, and ESP your husband.
Thank you, Julie.
So sorry for your losses, Mama.
Sometimes (Often ) it is quite difficult to observe your blessings thru the darkness.
Oh Kim. I know what we are experiencing doesn’t come close to your loss, and I appreciate your thoughts while we try to make sense of something you already know is senseless.
Goodness, I am so sorry there is so much loss going on around you. Thinking about you…
Thanks, Theresa. I’ve missed you!
This post gave me the heebie geebies. I am going back to it cant happen to me land. I did add happy to your linkz.
Right? It’s hard to think about.
I’ve revisited this several times. Each time a comment just won’t form. Today is my Brother In Law’s 40th birthday. He is celebrating this milestone without my sister. She died 2 years ago at someone else’s hand. I am so sorry for the loss all of you are experiencing. The loss cuts deep and the fears are very real and totally understandable.
I’m so sorry about the trouble WP is giving you with comments. She’s a bitch sometimes. And terribly sorry to read about your sister. How unfair that she was taken from you all so early.
I wanted to ‘like’ this post because it is so beautifully written. But the pain of it…. I am so sorry for your family’s pain and the staggering weight of such loss. You are strong enough, together, to get through to the light.
We definitely are. Thank you for your thoughts, and to everyone for allowing me a moment without jokes and silliness to reflect on how fragile life is.