Soup’s on Sunday: Kitchen Sink Pasta Salad

Man, it’s hot.

It’s hotter than two squirrels screwing in a wool sock. It’s so hot birds have to pull worms out of their holes with potholders.

It’s SO hot that I tied my mule in a field of corn, and the corn started popping and the mule thought it was snow and froze to death!

Just kidding. I don’t have a mule. Or corn. But damn, it’s hot.

I don’t remember the last time I turned on the oven, in fact. Everything we’ve eaten this summer (since mid-June at least) has either been nuked to within an inch of it’s life, slightly warmed over on the stove top or prepared by a chef in someone else’s kitchen.

Actually, I did end up having to boil some water the other day. I glared at the fire under the pot though, and I can tell you that a watched pot will boil, if it feels you staring at it with menace.

I had originally planned to feature my aunt’s Champagne Pasta Salad that my mom made when she was here last week, but I forgot what she did with the recipe, and seeing that she was in a wreck and all I figured I wouldn’t call and bug her for it.

She’s so high on pain meds anyway, it would probably come out like, “Boil two cups of mayonnaise and put the pasta in the toaster.”

Anyway, I made a pasta salad on Friday with that boiled water, but it wasn’t of the Champagne variety. It was more of a “Clean out the crisper before it all goes bad” sort of pasta salad.

And it was really, really good.

Kitchen Sink Pasta Salad

½ box bowtie pasta
1 box tricolor rotini
1 stalk celery
4 hearts of palm
1 zucchini
2 Roma tomatoes
1 onion
1 small jar marinated artichoke hearts
1 can black olives
6 pepperoncini
1 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp Dijon mustard
2/3 bottle Italian dressing
Shaved Parmesan
House seasoning (I used Mrs. Dash this time)

Set a large pot of water to boil. Don’t forget the menacing glare.

Finely chop all the veggies, except for maybe the olives.

Boil the pasta til cooked but firm. Drain in a colander and rinse with cold water, set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together the mayo, mustard and a little bit of the Italian dressing.

Pour the rest of the dressing over the pasta in the colander, distributing evenly.

Toss the veggies in the bowl with the mixed dressings, and coat evenly. Pour the pasta over that, and pull the dressing and veggies up through the middle with a wooden spoon. Be patient, it’ll get mixed.

The resulting salad will look a little bit watery at first, but the pasta will soak up more of the dressing while it chills.

Chill for at least 30 minutes, then season with house seasoning and cover liberally with parmesan.