I don’t know even know where to start about the last couple of weeks. Somewhere in the previous fourteen days of poignance and dumbassery there is a blog post, but it’s mostly snippets like, “and then my kid dropped to the floor and began swimming across the tiles like a beached carp.”
If memory serves me correctly, my husband had a birthday, we ate lots of Arthur Bryant’s BBQ and we bought him a new toy with a piece of half-chewed fruit on the front of it. I mean that my husband got the new toy, not Arthur Bryant, because really, why would a dead guy need an iPad? I’m pretty sure FaceTime does not extend into the afterlife. Yet.
The next day I packed up my kid, said goodbye to the husband and his new electronic best friend and we drove down to Texas to spend a few weeks with the family. (Well no, I did all the driving. Monkey sat in the back and threw goldfish at the back of my head.)
Texas has been OMGCRAZY and OMGHOT all week long, what with family stuff and my nephew’s second birthday party and relentless, oppressive heat and humidity (“Air you can wear” they call it) that finally broke yesterday as the clouds took pity on us and splattered a few raindrops down on the boiling asphalt.
I’m in Houston at the moment, an hour-and-a-half drive from my family’s “compound” in the swamp, where I am being spoiled rotten by my aunt and uncle. Earlier today my aunt and I took my son to the children’s museum where the highlight of my visit was this magical moment.
What? What’s even happening in this photo? What’s happening is that my cute little tyke is being transformed into the most adorable scientist ever. Are you ready for this?
BAM. Oh, the cute.
If you’re in Houston and you get a chance to visit the Children’s Museum of Houston, DO IT. There are activities, experiments and crafts for all ages, and you can go upstairs with your little ones and play in the TotSpot while your big kids scale the Power Tower.
After about an hour of nonstop mental stimulation, my son’s brain began to short circuit and for a moment he must have thought himself a fish, because he wriggled out of my grasp, threw himself onto the ground into what I thought was going to be an almost-two-year-old tantrum and instead began to stroke with his arms like he was swimming, all while grunting like a rhinoceros and stretching his toes through his flip flops to propel himself forward.
He did this for about 15 feet, until my aunt and I began to notice that people were staring so we scooped him up and headed home.
That moment alone was enough for today to leave an indelible mark on the pages of my life, but this gets even better. Tonight my aunt smoked some salmon and served it with lemon butter and crab and there are no pictures because I was too busy eating it. I mean, I photograph my oatmeal in the morning before I take a bite so obviously this stuff was divinely delectable.
The food was in fact so good that I did not care about my dinner table conversation faux pas where, when my uncle cracked to my son that microwaves weren’t for toddlers, they were for gerbils, I said “That’s not what Richard Gere says” and the whole table dropped their forks and looked at me like I’d just popped a squat and taken a dump on the linoleum and I thought “Oh shit, apparently that story has made the rounds and they totally got that joke and I thought it was just gonna be my own private haha with myself and they were all going to think I was just weird but now they think I’m a total perv…”
So, that? Didn’t even phase me because SMOKED SALMON, y’all.
WITH CRABMEAT.
Bahaha! Dude, thank goodness for these past few days of cooler weather. It’s divine. And don’t you love it when there’s that moment when you’re totally just letting your kid do something, and then you realize that other people may not think it’s appropriate? Other people spoil all the fun.
That’s kind of the best thing about being in a city, is that you don’t know these people giving you the stink eye for letting your kid lick the windows, so you’re just like meh.
You must keep that picture, because you will have to display it prominently when he wins his Nobel for curing cancer, OR he will have to have it for an album cover when he’s a famous rock star. Either way.
If I was eating out of this world food and having fun and being spoiled, I think I could take the oppressive stick to your chair heat. For a day or two.
That picture is one of the lucky few getting printed and scrapbooked this summer. Oh yes. I will scrapbook this summer.
I wish there was a picture of Monkey pretending to be a Fish.
I was too mesmerized to even think of reaching for my phone. It was so…weird.
Awwww. You’re really making me miss my home state! Except for the heat. The heat makes me want to jump off a bridge if cold stream is below. Even if it’s a SHALLOW cold stream.
I got made fun of today for even suggesting it was hot. Whatever. It’s like living in an armpit.
I began boycotting the Children’s Museum two years ago. It’s so much fun but trying to hold onto your kid with one hand and protect your pregnant belly from being slammed into by hordes of rugrats all hopped up on sugar and dreams with the other was just too much for me. I think I have PTSD from that day. I love that picture though!
We got there right at opening, thanks to a tip from our friend Denae about the hordes that would soon follow. It wasn’t so bad. Well, I’m totally lying. It was pretty insane! But if you stick to a 2 adult to 1 child ratio, it’s doable!
He is so cute as a scientist!!!
Thanks! The glasses just about did me in. I was so surprised he even let me dress him up!
The scientist pose is Caleb at that age. Oh my gosh I can’t believe it. I was sooo happy to be a part of this day. It was fun squared as I enjoyed watching him discover and have fun and as I watched you, remembering watching you at that same age go through the children’s museum. I am so blessed to have been able, for the last two days, hold Monkey and watch him in person. He is just the sweetest and cutest! You haven’t lived until you sing Yankee Doodle went to town and stop after “…and called it…” just in time to hear him whisper, “mah e nonie”.
I love how much he loves you! It’s so great to have another generation grow up knowing how awesome a trip to Aunt Jan’s is going to be.
I have so many things.
1. I believe Monkey is meant to be a scientist. He rocks that lab coat like no one ever has. Or perhaps he will be a doctor? Now that I’m working at Bellevue, I see a ton of fellas in doctor coats and not a single one looks as cute as your Monk.
2. George got an iPad last week too. He now sits with his phone, Mac, and iPad in his lap.
3. I love Aunt Jan. I want to be related to her. I want to eat her food, have her help me through a crisis, and then just hug on her. That’s weird, I know. She’s just such a fun character in the Mama Mash chronicles and I adore her.
How cute is Monkey? He has genius scientist potential!
There is a place in Vancouver called Science World and they do great stuff there for the kids. Like this one game where you move a ball with your brain waves.
And it never gets that hot in Vancouver, so the gerbils stay nice and stiff
Okay so Monkey is BAM cute, indeed.
But I must say, girl? You’re making those jeans shorts look hawt.
(Can I say that without sounding pervy? Oh wait. You brought up Richard Gere. So yeah. It’s all good, right?)
Ok, first of all, I’m so jealous you’re in Houston! (my hometown) and second of all the Children’s Museum is awesome!
I could never live on Texas.
“air that you wear?”
I need a shower just reading that.
He looks like an excellent mad scientist.