My kid’s first word was cookie.
But not “cookie” all sweet like. No, it was a growl, like The Cookie Monster on day three of the Sugar Busters diet.
COOOOOKIEEEE.
Since that day he first growled his request for a snack, his vocabulary has increased quite a bit. He has many words for food (no surprise there) and knows all the names of his family, dogs included.
He’s begun to form sentences, sing songs and give commands.
He’s basically a hungry, musical dictator.
Usually I’m too busy marveling at the miracle of learning that’s always taking place in his head to notice that I’m being bossed around by someone who can’t reach the light switch, so it’s ok though.
***
We’ve had a few mishaps with language learning this year, mostly adult words that he picks up on accident.
No sweat though, I just substitute something else when he repeats our expletives.
“Shit!”
“Yes, son, that is a nice SHIRT you’re wearing. Is that your SHIRT? I like your SHIRT.”
See? Easy enough to redirect since his speech isn’t that clear in the first place.
Today though, I forgot to do something and said, “CRAP,” really loudly.
“Crap!” he repeated. “Crap. Crap. CRAP.”
Clear as a bell, no baby talk there.
***
We’ve decided to use proper words for body parts with our son. So it’s penis, and boy, do I get tired of saying penis. You know when you say a word so many times it loses meaning?
Penis. Penis. Penis.
***
Monkey likes to climb in my lap sometimes and touch my face, naming the parts of it. It’s very sweet, as long as he’s gentle when he gets to “eyes.”
“Cheeks. Chin. Mowwwwwth. Hair. Eeeehs.”
And then he gets to my “beauty mark” on my temple.
“MOLE,” he says, and my husband chimes in.
“MOLEY MOLEY MOLE!”
Thanks, Austin Powers.
***
Somehow, the kid picked up the word “boobs.” He uses it in the correct context. I’m so…proud?
“Boobs, mama.”
“Yes, son. Those are mama’s boobs. Leave them be, please.”
“Mama? ‘Dose Dada’s boobs.”
Well. I guess we know where he learned that word after all, don’t we?
***
Some words he misses completely. No matter how hard we try, he either can’t or won’t pronounce them correctly. So to hell with it, we’ve renamed a few things.
Blanket is “gocky.”
Diapers (Pull Ups) are “boppies.”
Lawnmower is “mow car.” Makes sense, yes?
Oh, and all boys aged six to 13 are named “Josh.” My nephew, the one actually named Josh, gets a kick out of that.
***
Manners are important to us here. “Please” and “thank you” came not long after his first cookie demand request. “Sorry” he picked up after he learned to throw.
I figure “excuse me” should be next, but I can’t stop laughing after he farts at the table long enough to teach it to him, and we still clap when he belches. Parents of the year, I tell you.
What “new” words has your family adopted? What words do you wish your kids never learned?
On Tuesday, May 15th, I am going to attempt to climb the Mt. Everest of blog commenting and visit every damn one of the linkers at YeahWrite #57. This will require lots of caffeine and cooperative children who take long naps. Also several episodes of Backyardigans.
Love the boob thing. That was a word my son learned really early and he embarrassed his father with it more than once. He He. I can’t really remember that many “new” words that we used when the kids were little (and they were definitely all German), but now love to make fun of my husband’s English and we use lots of words that he “invents” – he likes to say “squid” instead of “squat” and that’s pretty funny to us. If anyone doesn’t think so, they don’t know squid.
I’m going to start saying that now. Except “pop a squid” might be more awesome than I can handle.
I seriously love toddler-speak. Our favorite here is getting EB to say “chocolate, I’m going home” because for her, “chocolate”=”fock it”. HILARIOUS.
You’re terrible.
Well, you’ve spent time with my 5 kids and yes, I include Tony in that count! My least favorite are…
~in response to what does your dad do….”saves bitches for freedom”
~when they had Mohawks…why do you have a Mohawk? “because I’m a bad ass”
~meaner…which is Joeys go to word for name calling. When you ask him what it means….”you know mom, like neaner neaner neaner!”.
~Rosie doesn’t call any of her siblings by name:).
Robert=Robbie ( nobody else is alowed to call him that!)
Emilie=sissy
Joey=jojo
Love my kids!!!
I’ll have you know that we still say “your FACE” over here because of you guys. So thanks for that.
I can’t repeat which words my kids have picked up. I’d just blame my husband for it, but I’m the one home with them all day. Oops!
I’m sure a toddler saying “assy” is totally adorable, Kim.
I love this post!! Made me laugh!!
YES! Maybe I’m getting my funny back. It’s been missing for awhile.
Oh dying. BOOBS. Hahahahahaha!
My sister was playing bubbles with the Monkey a few days ago. She couldn’t get the bubble stick to work, and Monkey said ‘F***’, clear as the day.
I have no idea where he picked that up from.
Noooo, I’m sure you’ve never said that. Ever.
Toddler talk is the best. My son calls every dog we see Bailey, after our dog it just cracks me up.
I love stuff like that!
I would tell you the words that Layla has learned lately but then my comment wouldn’t be G rated.
I have a pretty good idea. I bet Siri thinks Layla has a pottymouth.
I can barely get my kids to stop laughing long enough to excuse themselves and they’re TEN and almost FIVE. We. Are. Awesome.
Farts are funny. Whatcha gonna do, right?
My soon to be graduate called his part his “peanut” for so long. I couldn’t bear to correct him.
Someone else told me their kid has a “shrimp.” I still laugh when I think about that!
–Fantastic.
Boys start w/ the boob thing quite early, don’t they? Haa. Xx
Pretty much right out of the gate!
We’re just getting to this stage and I love it. I’m sure I’ll be all “why did we want her to talk so much?” when she’s older but right now, I love how she tries so hard to pronounce words. My favorite is please. She says “Eesh? Eesh?” How can I say no?
AWWWWW. Eesh? Yes, Donut, you can have whatever you want. Here is my credit card.
too cute..i love when they pick up new words and those sweet mispronunciations….
I could do without the “Mama, Mama, Mom, Mama, Mommy” thing for three uninterrupted hours, but the rest of it is pure awesome.
You know what makes me laugh at my house? My kid cannot pronounce an innocent word correctly yet the naughty words come out clear as a bell. Why is that? Haha!
Maybe we’re more forceful when we introduce them to the bad words? HA!
In response to my consistent use of the “s” word, my fifteen-month-old son says, “Dit.” He also grabs the boobs of any woman who picks him up and says “boo, boo.” His man-farts absolutely slay me. Such a funny post!
Maybe I should try saying “dit” as well!
I watched the episode of the comedy “Modern Family” last night, Lilly the adopted daughter of the gay couple, picks up swearing. It was so funny. My youngest thought it was very funny to shout out “asshole” at the most inappropriate times. It took a while to sort out.
I bet “asshole” in a baby voice is hysterical!
LOL I love the Josh thing. One of my nephews calls his cousins Corey. Both of them. Even if he means the other one. Too cute.
What’s really fun is when we’re at the store and some boy walks by and my kid says “JOSH!” and the boy is actually called Josh. Freaks ‘em out.
ah hahahaha! My daughter just learned the swear “damn it”. I probably say it more than I realize… She came upon our doggie’s businees – in the middle of our living room – and she facepalmed her forehead and said, “Ah Damn it!”…
I’m now feverishly trying to replace this with “aw shucks”…but so far its not working! lol.
Thanks for the laugh! Loved the post.
It’s got to rhyme, that’s the secret! Thanks for stopping over!
I love this post; I’m removed from this adorable stage by so many years and it was just a pleasure to be reminded of all that cuteness, not to mention the extreme honor of being witness to a little human’s language development. The year between one and two is incredible, and then the year between two and three is even more spectacular. And later they get very poetic and start saying heart-stopping things like, “Mama, your eyes are fathomless.” Wonderful post.
Fathomless? Oh wow.
Holy smokes this was SO GREAT!!! As a mother of a toddler and a “josh” (haha!), I know all too well the hilarity of learning languages. I can’t wait for our 6 month old to reach this point.
These are my absolute favorite things to read about…. toddlers (and the people who love them) are my favorite kind of people.
Thanks for the laugh!
I love making people laugh, and I’m glad my kid seems to be on the same track! Thanks for stopping by!
oh god i loved this. toddler talk is just so damn entertaining.
It really makes up for the monotony of the other responsibilities, like if I have to wipe down the high chair tray one. more. TIME.
First off…yay for coffee and Backyardigans. Second…we call it a tallywhacker around here. You never get tired of saying tallywhacker!
My husband voted for tallywhacker in the beginning! But it was too hard for the Monkey to say, and we want him to associate his junk with the potty business we were trying to get through. But it’s a great word for sure!
Bahahaha! Great post! My daughter told me yesterday that when she is old and has kids, if they are bothering her, she will tell them to “get their ass out of here!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or issue a time out. Yeah, I laughed.
BAHAHA! Wonder where she heard that?
My Little Dude is obsessed with Thomas the Train. Whoever came up with that (awful) show really should have thought twice when naming one of the trains “Percy”. I know that my 2.5 year old doesn’t say it quite right and he’s probably not the only one.
Oh my gosh. That’s fantastic. I’ll be giggling about that all day.
My little one says “Thank You” constantly. He only knows maybe 4 words total but thank you (“taint to”) is his most-used utterance!
That’s really sweet! Much better than walking around saying “crap crap crap.”
My son went through a rhyming phase where he would pick a work and then rhyme anything with it. Even if it was not really a word. Even if it was a really bad word. Those were fun times… Enjoyed your post, thanks for the laugh!
The rhyming phase sounds like comedy gold. Guaranteed blog material right there!
Ha! This has got to be one of the best parts of parenting…being there for the language development and having such a huge influence on it. Too much pressure for my hubby so far. He insists on teaching my 3-year-old nephew words like fart…then laughing once he says them. He definitely takes advantage of being crazy uncle Jeremy
I admit, since I was an aunt for a loooong time before I got to be a mom, I engaged in such inappropriate teaching. It’s way fun. With parenting it’s trickier because it’s still funny, but I don’t want to get judged when my kid calls the lady in front of us at the supermarket “Hagatha.” (Which is what I call obnoxious women.)
Love this! Blankets is our house are monkees. Still. After 13 years. Ellen
That’s the best. I hope we get to keep a few silly words forever.
hahahaha! My son is only 8 m/o, so I haven’t had the pleasure of hearing his first word yet (although, he randomly says “mamama mamama…”). However, I am sure that there’s going to be quite a few swear words in there. My brother lives with us and has a very potty mouth! Love the “Josh” thing, it makes total sense to me. Toddler talk is the best! Hilarious post!
You’re in for such a good time! HA! It seems like it takes them forever to talk, and then you just want them to be quiet sometimes. And THEN you figure out how much fun you can have with this!
ah, he’s delicious. we got cookie as cuckoo really, really early. I’m getting “bra” right now pretty much all the time, accompanied by the pull down of my shirt. which is going to THRILL the folks in my target. glad you had a great mother’s day.
HA! We have a niece who used to point to bras in the store and scream BOOBS! Thank God for kids and how they suck the seriousness right out of things.
Hahah he sounds adorable! Plus kids who swear totally crack me up.
I’d probably draw the line at GD or the F bomb, but I admit, I amused by shit and ass. Especially ass, because he draws out the s sound.
I secretly love some of the words my son mispronounces (I say secretly because we are supposed to help him and correct him, he’s seven with Down syndrome): “More tornadoes and oh dirt, peas!” (Tomatoes and yogurt, please.) “Mommy, the dog ate fruitcake!” Followed by many loud giggles. He means ‘poo cake’ (our dog eats cat turds when we walk her, not that we want her to!). And my son’s response when she does?! “Pee-yuck!”
Tornadoes and dirt! I would pass out from the cuteness.
we have a chocolate lab who when my son was toddlerizing around, we always had to push back because she would try to lick every surface of his gooey crumb filled self, well. my son picked up on it, because one day after a nap i go to lift him from his crib, our dog happily trailing behind. Owen’s eyes brighten and says “Hi, Getoutahere!” He called her that for quite some time.
Getoutahere is a really, really good name for a dog.
I am a speech pathologist, so I love hearing/reading about first words!
Oh, see now I want you to come over and tell us if he’s on the right track.
Omg HILARIOUS I lost it at cooookie!!
Oh Daddy’s boobs. Sigh.
Yeah, I wish I had been there for THAT conversation.
“He’s basically a hungry, musical dictator.” hahaha
That was secretly my favorite line too.
The first time my son said a swear word, I started laughing. Then I remembered that I was the mom now, I wasn’t supposed to laugh, and made myself stop. He was playing or building something and suddenly, I heard a little voice exclaim, “What the hell??”
I miss toddler speak.
I need to be reminded that I’m the mom sometimes when he gets into mischief. I don’t want him to grow up to be a brat, but right now it’s hilarious. I usually walk around the corner, laugh, and then come back for time out on some things.
I loved this. Very funny – and I needed that!
Glad you got a laugh!
My son would always say awright..for all right. Then I realized he was repeating it exactly the way I said it. So much for proper enunciation. LOL
Ha! I know I say a lot of words wrong because of my accent. But if he grows up saying PAH instead of pie, I’m ok with that.
As a mother of a soon to be 2 year old I can relate. Watching the daily learning & new additions to language is amazing. So far no real oops moments with her, but I do remember one with my oldest. We were in a restaurant & like any toddler trying to be like the big people is “reading” the menu. She pipes up so the entire restaurant can hear “I’ll have the F&^’ng chicken”!!!! I wasn’t sure whether to dive under the table or dash for the door!! Oh my!
Well, sometimes you just want the effing chicken mom.
Very unique way of handling “shit!”
Aw I love adorable toddler words. Especially when they swear, it’s sweet and scandalous. My kids are older now and full on swear-word champs. It’s lost it’s charm somehow.
“He’s basically a hungry musical dictator.” We have one of those too!!!!! Good thing they are so cute.
“Mama? ‘Dose Dada’s boobs.” Hahaha! When kids start to pick up everything it’s always so entertaining!
MY fav new words were “parascidettis for spaghetti and fi for pacifier”. Now I wish josh would’ve never learned the f-bomb. We were at church and he was learning to talk. He called the truck a FU*# I quickly corrected him. It was an honest mistake. Then when he was 5 he was fishing and didn’t catch anything so he threw the pole down and said “f#*!ing pole” that time it was on purpose! I have since learned the true meaning of “be careful little ears what you hear” lol.
That’s hilarious!
we use proper terms for my daughter as well and I’m tired of asking her to stop trying to look inside her vagina. It’s exhausting.
She now said “ok” after every request as well. “I have a treat.. .ok!?”
As though it’s already a done deal.
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